thoughts.
So... all my life I've been a bit of a dreamer, never really satisfied, always wanting something different. Well I'm feeling myself getting to that place again, however this time it's different. I'm happy with my life, I love my husband, family, and friends. I however am very unhappy with my work life. And it's not necessarily my job now, while I hate my boss, my job isn't bad. And then now as I'm getting older I find in these feelings mixed in thoughts of is this it... is this all I'll ever do with my professional life? Don't misconstrue that last line... I have no high and mighty aspirations to be a VP or anything. I'm talking more along the lines of is this what I will spend my life doing, helping some company make millions and I'm just mindlessly coming and going to work everyday. There's no feeling in what I do, no helping anyone, or making anyone's life better. It's kinda sad no that I'm writing it all out.. But that's what we are expected to do, right? What society expects us to have a "real" job and do it respectably and then go home.
I want to make a difference in someone's life
I want to feel satisfied when I go home at night
I want to make something with my hands
I want to smile all day
I want to know what I do matters to some family and not to some VP who will never know my name
I want to be proud when I answer the dreaded question... "so what do you do?"
I want to be me 24/7 and not hide Melissa from 8-5 Mon-Fri
I want to create something
I want to make a contribution
I want to have all the tattoo's I want and not fear I'll lose my job b/c of them
I want to wake up happy everyday to go wherever I'm going
But then reality sets in...
I have to make xxx amount of dollars to maintain my life style right now.
I have to provide health insurance for D and I
I worry what people will think if I quit a good paying job to be happy but poor
I worry about not being able to eat if I did what I REALLY wanted
I have to have a "respectable" job and be an "adult"
I have to make xxx amount of dollars to have this house I love so much
I hate reality.
1 Let me hear from ya:
reality pretty much sucks! I think you will eventually get to be that Melissa! I know you can make the photography gig your "real" job if that's what you really and truly want to do! I know you can make it work! It will be as fulfilling as you want it to be! I know you can do it! So keep trying and working hard! I love you!, Jeni
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